A Tale of Two Sci-Fi's (Star Trek meets Star Wars)
by E13M3N7
Summary: This Parody happens after/during the events of First Contact. Don't make me write a summary, just read it.
1. Intro to what the BLEEP is Happening

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN STAR TREK, PARAMOUNT, OR ITS CHARACTERS. Plus, I'm not making money of this parody. So thpbt!  
  
NOTE: I Suggest that you see Star Trek: First Contact and all of the Star Wars Movies.  
  
AUTHOR: Hello, and welcome to my parody. I am sorry if it is not understandable to some. And if it is, then it is much to complex for you simple minded pea-sized brain (apologies to those who understand the parody) And now, with out further ado, well, unless you count this, then I suppose it really isn't without further ado. (An ensign appears, takes a phaser and kills the author, then drags his carcass off)  
  
And now, we present to you  
  
A Tale of Two Sci-fis or Star Trek meets Star Wars  
  
COMPUTER: Last time On Star Trek: First Contact.  
  
(Cut to review of Star Trek: First Contact)  
  
PICARD: They're going to assimilate Earth.  
  
Borg Queen: I Bring Order to Chaos.  
  
Borg Queen: Do you always talk this much?  
  
Borg Queen (DYING): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breathes) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
COMPUTER: This might not seem like much Star Trek meets Star Wars, but It does (eventually), and now for the stunning-  
  
DEAD NARRATOR: QUITE SO! A simply amazing, wonderful story full of - (the same ensign comes on screen with the Arc Welder [compliments of STV: Elite Force] and fries the dead Narrator, tries to pick him up, gets shocked, shrugs, and vaporizes him with the phaser from before)  
  
COMPUTER: -conclusion.  
  
Cut to Engineering (Borgified)  
  
Picard: (Looking at Borg Queen's skeleton) Well, I'm glad that whole Borg invasion is over. It's great that no one got hurt (steps on dead body) and the ship is still in pristine condition (touches Borg alcove. It collapses onto a walkway, crushing a twitching Borg drone and causing the walkway to collapse and crush a panel controlling the warp core) Data, have you noticed how this skeleton (pokes Borg queen's eye socket) looks so much like Terminator?  
  
Data: Well, captain, apparently the Borg like that movie.  
  
Picard: Hmm that was a good movie. (Pause) Data, do you think that the Borg Queen is really dead?  
  
Data: Well, Captain, judging from Borg technology, I would have to conclude that in theory, the Borg Queen is not "dead", so to speak, you see-  
  
(Suddenly, as if on cue, a holodeck door appears and opens, two Borg drones come out, followed by the Borg queen.)  
  
Borg Queen: (Laughs) Did you actually think that you could kill me that easily?  
  
Picard: You?! But How?!  
  
Borg Queen: Paramount needs more money. So they're making a sequel. While you were beamed back up from Earth, My Borg transported you to a holodeck in your ship. When you and your crew were playing in the holodeck, we assimilated Earth, but unfortunately we couldn't find Cochrane's ship. Well, that doesn't matter to you now because now you two too will be assimilated! Bwuahahahaha!  
  
(One of the drones whispers into the Borg Queen's ear)  
  
Borg Queen: Oh, Well that doesn't matter to you now because now you two also will be assimilated!  
  
(The drones step forward and try to assimilate Data and Picard, yet nothing happens)  
  
Borg Queen: What?  
  
Picard: Just as you are invincible for money reasons, you cannot kill or assimilate us because otherwise it would be a short movie.  
  
(Picard and Data beam away to a shuttlecraft. They both take their controls.)  
  
Data: Captain, How did you beam us here?  
  
Picard: Well, you'll have to read Chapter 2 to find out. 


	2. What the BLEEP is Happening!

A Tale of Two Sci-Fi's Chapter 2  
  
Data: Captain, the Borg have taken control of the ship, how will we open the shuttlebay doors?  
  
Picard: Well, we can either come up with a very meticulous and complicated plan or we just put our shields up and blow a hole in the shuttlebay doors bringing all Borg and other stuff in the shuttlebay with us.  
  
Data: I already have a meticulous and complicated plan stored in a data library stored in my neural net. In conclusion -  
  
Picard: Let's blow a hole in the shuttlebay door! WHEEEE!  
  
(Picard quickly taps a few buttons on his control. The shuttle lurches forward at dangerous speeds, decapitating two drones and vaporizing another in engine coolant given off by the warp drive. The shuttle slams into the shuttle bay doors. Because Picard forgot to initiate the shields, the shuttle is incinerated in the huge fireball that follows.)  
  
(Steve the Author crumples up the parody he is writing.)  
  
Steve the Author: Well, there goes my 15th draft. Better start again.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN STAR TREK, PARAMOUNT, OR ITS CHARACTERS. In addition, I'm not making money of this parody. So thpbt!  
  
NOTE: I Suggest that you see Star Trek: First Contact and all of the Star Wars Movies.  
  
AUTHOR: Hello, and welcome to my parody. I am sorry if it is not understandable to some. And if it is, then it is much to complex for you simple minded pea-sized brain (apologies to those who understand the parody) And now, with out further ado, well, unless you count this, then I suppose it really isn't without further ado. (An ensign appears, takes a phaser and kills the author, then drags his carcass off)  
  
And now, we present to you  
  
A Tale of Two Sci-fi's or Star Trek meets Star Wars  
  
COMPUTER: Last time On Star Trek: First Contact.  
  
(Cut to review of Star Trek: First Contact)  
  
PICARD: They're going to assimilate Earth.  
  
Borg Queen: I Bring Order to Chaos.  
  
Borg Queen: Do you always talk this much?  
  
Borg Queen (DYING): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breathes) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
COMPUTER: This might not seem like much Star Trek meets Star Wars, but It does (eventually), and now for the stunning-  
  
DEAD NARRATOR: QUITE SO! A simply amazing, wonderful story full of - (the same ensign comes on screen with the Arc Welder [compliments of STV: Elite Force] and fries the dead Narrator, tries to pick him up, gets shocked, shrugs, and vaporizes him with the phaser from before)  
  
COMPUTER: -conclusion.  
  
Cut to Engineering (Borgified)  
  
Picard: (Looking at Borg Queen's skeleton) Well, I'm glad that whole Borg invasion is over. It's great that no one got hurt (steps on dead body) and the ship is still in pristine condition (touches Borg alcove. It collapses onto a walkway, crushing a twitching Borg drone and causing the walkway to collapse and crush a panel controlling the warp core) Data, have you noticed how this skeleton (pokes Borg queen's eye socket) looks so much like Terminator?  
  
Data: Well, captain, apparently the Borg like that movie.  
  
Picard: Hmm, that was a good movie. (Pause) Data, do you think that the Borg Queen is really dead?  
  
Data: Well, Captain, judging from Borg technology, I would have to conclude that in theory, the Borg Queen is not "dead," so to speak, you see-  
  
(Suddenly, as if on cue, a holodeck door appears and opens, two Borg drones come out, followed by the Borg queen.)  
  
Borg Queen: (Laughs) Did you actually think that you could kill me that easily?  
  
Picard: You?! But How?!  
  
Borg Queen: Paramount needs more money. So they're making a sequel. While you were beamed back up from Earth, My Borg transported you to a holodeck in your ship. When you and your crew were playing in the holodeck, we assimilated Earth, but unfortunately we couldn't find Cochrane's ship. Well, that doesn't matter to you now because now you two too will be assimilated! Bwahahahaha!  
  
(One of the drones whispers into the Borg Queen's ear)  
  
Borg Queen: Oh, Well that doesn't matter to you now because now you two also will be assimilated!  
  
(The drones step forward and try to assimilate Data and Picard, yet nothing happens)  
  
Borg Queen: What?  
  
Picard: Just as you are invincible for money reasons, you cannot kill or assimilate us because otherwise it would be a short movie.  
  
(Picard and Data beam away to a shuttlecraft. They both take their controls.)  
  
Data: Captain, How did you beam us here?  
  
Picard: Well, you'll have to read Chapter 2 to find out.  
  
(Cut to commercial break)  
  
Data: Captain, the Borg have taken control of the ship, how will we open the shuttlebay doors?  
  
Picard: Well, we can either come up with a very meticulous and complicated plan or we just put our shields up and blow a hole in the shuttlebay doors bringing all Borg and other stuff in the shuttlebay with us.  
  
Data: I already have a meticulous and complicated plan stored in a data library stored in my neural net. In conclusion -  
  
Picard: Let's blow a hole in the shuttlebay door! WHEEEEE!  
  
(Picard quickly taps a few buttons on his control. The shuttle lurches forward at dangerous speeds, decapitating two drones and vaporizing another in engine coolant given off by the warp drive. Picard initiates the shield right before the shuttle slams into the shuttle bay doors blowing a gaping hole in the doors [I don't want anyone telling me how the "Technical Manuals" published by Paramount or anyone else says that a shuttle can't make a hole in the Enterprise's shuttle bay doors])  
  
Picard: Does it appear that the Enterprise has changed course to follow us?  
  
Data: No, captain, the Enterprise hasn't made any course correction. I believe the appropriate thing to say would be YEEEEEEHHAAAAAAAWW!  
  
(There is an uncomfortably long pause)  
  
Picard: (acting like Dr. Evil) Right.  
  
Data: Sorry. Captain, What should we do now?  
  
Picard: Give me a read-out of the system that we are in.  
  
Data: there are 9 planets, one star, an asteroid belt, 2 comets -  
  
Picard (sigh): Data, I mean something I do not know. After all, I was born in this system.  
  
Data: I am sorry, Captain. There is a - (at this point, Data grabs his head and screams) The-pain! The-unimaginable-pain! AAA! (He slumps forward in his seat, deactivated.)  
  
(Along with that, the shuttle's power turn off, leaving Picard alone in the red light signifying that power is off and the only thing that works is life support and the lights.)  
  
Picard (not noticing this): A what?! There is a what?! (pokes Data, then shakes him violently) Damn. I think Data is deactivated. Well, there is only one way to find out. Data? (Poke, poke) Are you deactivated? Damn. Well, have to find out if I can use anything to my advantage. (After pushing Data out of the way, he sits down and begins tapping the buttons on the computer.)  
  
(291/3 hours later)  
  
(The shuttle's power goes back on, and Picard continues to sit there tapping on the keys.)  
  
(1 hour later)  
  
(Data suddenly gets back his power. He sits there for a moment, thinking, then gets up and moves towards Picard, who doesn't notice Data. Data watches him for another hour, then appearing to understand what happened, begins to speak.)  
  
Data: Captain, are you aware that you have been sitting here, for the past day with no power?  
  
Picard (surprised): Gaa! Data! I thought you were ... dead ... deactivated ... ran out of battery power...  
  
Data: Yes, that's correct. I believe that a sudden surge of power disabled all technology in the solar system. Let's find out why.  
  
(Data moves to another chair and begins trying to locate where the surge originated from when he realizes that Picard is staring at him)  
  
Data: Captain?  
  
Picard: If there was a surge of power that disabled all technology in the solar system, then why wasn't I affected? After all, the Borg assimilated me, and the crew couldn't get all of the nanotechnology out of me. And another thing, I thought that you couldn't make conjunctions. How do you explain that, Robo-boy? Huh? Huh?  
  
Data: Easily, Captain. You see-  
  
END CHAPTER 2  
  
PS: I promise that next chapter will not just be most of this chapter and half a page of real stuff.  
  
Upside-Down Devil 999 (AKA Devil in a The Wrong Crowd 222 666 222) 


End file.
